A Playlist for Hard Mornings
A flower from my mom’s garden. She could see these from her wheelchair when she looked out the window.
When I arrived at my parent’s house in April my mom had just been diagnosed with ALS, a neurological disease that would slowly paralyze her until she died. It was her worst nightmare. At that point she could no longer walk, get dressed, or eat without help. When I looked at her face, I could see that her spirit had shattered.
My dad said mornings were hardest so I decided to start with morning shifts. I thought about all the factors that would affect her when she woke up–sounds, smells, touch, visuals, thoughts, feelings–and created a morning routine that I hoped would hold space for her spirit. A big part of that was music.
I started each morning by turning on this playlist, which began with the song “Follow the Sun.” I usually started it from another room so she could hear it quietly. Then I walked into my mom’s room with the speaker and said good morning. I opened the blinds and in the summer I also opened the windows so she could hear the birds. I wanted the first experience of her day to be the song, my cheerful voice, light from the windows, the smell of fresh air, and the sound of birds.
My mom in bed with her eye mask and chin strap.
The physical aspects of my mom’s routine were arduous. We had to get her out of bed, get dressed, go to the bathroom, brush teeth, wash face, put in eye drops, take meds, drink water, brush hair, massage neck, arms and feet, and eat breakfast. Everything took a very long time.
At first she could sit up in bed, use a walker to shuffle to the bathroom, and communicate in slurred words. But after a couple weeks I had to lift her out of bed into a wheelchair, and eventually she could no longer communicate verbally at all. Simple things like getting dressed became creative puzzles. How do you lift and hold someone upright while you also pull on their pants? How do you get an arm into a shirt when the arm is too painful to be moved? We had to figure these things out and we did.
This soundtrack got us through all those mornings. My mom loved it, and eventually she was able to smile and laugh. We had fun together. And I know that over time–for many reasons–her spirit found solace.
Eventually we hired two excellent caregivers, Amber Rogowski and Melissa Morales, to cover morning shifts. They were talented, skilled, and compassionate.
My mom liked to listen to music in her room while I made breakfast. I always pointed her wheelchair towards the window so she could see her flowers.
A Playlist For Hard Mornings
I think this playlist would be good for anyone facing death, loss, or change.
Follow The Sun — Steph Strings
All The Love In The World — MC Yogi
If You’re Hurting — Trousdale
Voodoo — Penny and Sparrow
Let It Breathe — Rick Riccardo
Wait For You — Ocie Elliot
Hit The Ground — Lizz Wright
Fly — Drew Halcomb & The Neighbors
One By One — Sam Garrett
Like A River — Ocie Elliot
Thank You Very Much — Rising Appalachia
