Some journeys change you so completely that you can never return to the person you were before you left. For me, the Choose the Bear Tour was that kind of journey.
This summer, I spent 72 days pedaling a slow zigzag across Michigan. I camped in forests and cooked over a fire. Along the way, I stopped to interview frontline and systems workers whose vision is to end relational violence. Each night when I went back to my tent, I absorbed books on gender-based violence, domestic abuse, economic control, and structured inequalities.
It was deeply uncomfortable.
I felt this discomfort every day in my body. It rose up in my chest as I breathed in and out, and flowed through my legs as they churned up and down. It was the discomfort of a very particular human paradox: relational violence begins with love and trust, and ends with fear and control. The potential for both elements exist in the same people, groups, and relationships. It’s not as clear-cut or far removed as we like to imagine.
My discomfort only really dissipated when I stopped for interviews. Across the state, survivors and advocates invited me into their spaces and shared the gift of their time and stories. We cried, laughed, and connected over the complexity of human relationships. These were people who’d experienced the worst iterations of human behavior; yet, they still believed in the best possible vision for the world.
Their strength of spirit dazzled me.
The team at Uniting Three Fires Against Violence is doing important work. Left to right after Laura Killingbeck: Vanessa Owaski-Patzwald, Samantha Brown, Sandra Pilgrim-Lewis, and Stacey Ettawageshik.
By the time I reached Detroit, I realized something I had known but not fully understood: relational violence is an act of despair, but talking about it is an act of hope. It’s the first step towards collective accountability and change. Survivors and advocates aren’t just commenting on an isolated issue–they’re changing how we function as an entire society.
I believe survivors and advocates. I believe that their stories matter. And I believe in their vision for a world that feels safe and whole.
This journey rearranged me at my core—in ways that I’m still discovering. I don’t have a list of perfectly formed insights ready to share. I just have a feeling that this human experience is both tragic and beautiful, and we’re here to hold space for both.
I’m grateful to survivors and advocates everywhere. It’s an honor to ride in solidarity with people I respect so deeply.
Choose The Bear Tour was envisioned and supported by orsa credit union, a for-impact, Michigan-based credit union that invests “in women and those who love them.”
Choose The Bear Tour, 2026.
